For Who?

September 28 2006

Just feel like dropping a few lines here today...(ya rite, as if you are going to write only "few lines"...hahaha)

Exams around the corner, revision worksheets are piling up, progress reports have to be in progress now...then concert lagi...too many things, just not enough concentration to spare to each and every thing here...

Sometimes it seems like everyone wants a peace of you...ppl hope you could, that you would, or demand that you shall, or you ought, you have to, you must....or at least they put hope in you that you may, you can, you will.....haih....makes me think again...am i satisfying each and everyone but forgot to take the time to meet my own need...or should i put it this way...should i re-adjust my mentality again...was it that i'm doing sth upon other's request or who am i excatly doing it for? what is the real motive or motivation behind the persistancy of trying my best to answer all calls?...erm...think, think, think....

It's an S.O.S i guess. Time to do some adjustment again....yea, men need to have maintainace too, just the more frequent we get to meet our "mechanic" the better shape we'll be in....

Hang on there, Joyce....It's never hard to walk any path with the presence of The Divine.

 

Pressing on to "The" higher call.......

(see, i told ya,..not just few lines, rite....wahahaha)

What a class!

September 19 2006

Arrrg!!! Beh tahan men...that class is driving me mad sometimes.....haiyooo.....

It's like an infectious deseasing or something spreading in the class...once someone is going to the toilet, sunddenly everyone will hear nature calling...if someone comes out and tells me something, suddenly everyone has a secret to share...alamak...

like today...feel like screaming men...but thank God i swallowed it, and continue to frown...i begin to tell them off...replying with Nos to all the questions....

haih....got remind myself to be more optimistic the next time when i enter this class...yea, their turly one of a kind class....

Oh, God...help me....; )

Miracle

September 18 2006

Praise God for the miracle,the grace and the healing...

God is so good...Thank God that grandma is in better condition now and that the operation was a success. Surely there'll be great things happening after that...and great testimony to be shared  by popo and gonggong...What a year of miracle...yea...life-changing miracles...

I learnt a lesson as well, even though i was all the while watching as a thrid party and sympathize as an outsider.

Looking at how gong gong took care of po po, they had set an example of "living the vow"...looking at how aunt chin and bee commit popo's situation unto God's hands showed me the true meaning of trust...seeing myself in this family matter here...yes, i admit i was worried, i was troubled, i was anxious before, when i saw popo lying on the bed but i can't do a single thing to help her feel better...then, i came to a stage where all you can do is trust and let God handle everything, that you realize human, mankind can never conquer this unpredicted realm of life...all i could do was stand in the awe of Him...i had come to a stage where by you would have to surrender everything...and stand still and watch, what God is about to do...that, is seeing how limited i am, and how great God is....

 

I guess after this, deep in side us, no one is ever the same again...; )

菊花台

September 13 2006

你的泪光 柔弱中带伤

惨白的月儿弯弯 固住过往

夜太漫长 凝结成了霜

是谁在阁楼上冰冷地绝望

雨轻轻叹 朱红色的窗

我依身在纸上被风吹乱

梦在远方 化成一缕香

随风飘散你的模样

菊花灿烂地烧 你的笑容已泛黄

花落人断肠 我心事静静躺

被风乱 也微摇 你的影子剪不断

独留我孤单 在湖面神伤

花已伤完 飘落了灿烂

凋谢的市道上 冥冥不堪

手摸独樵 愁心拆两半

他已上不了爱一辈子摇晃

谁的江山 马蹄声慌乱

我一身的戎装 呼啸沧桑

天微微亮 你轻声的叹

一夜惆怅如此委婉

菊花灿烂地烧 你的笑容已泛黄

花落人断肠 我心事静静躺

被风乱 也微摇 你的影子剪不断

独留我孤单 在湖面神伤

菊花灿烂地烧 你的笑容已泛黄 

花落人断肠 我心事静静躺

被风乱 也微摇 你的影子剪不断

独留我孤单 在湖面神伤

 

It's Jay's new song in the "Still Fantacy" album...really really like this song...it just has the right touch and "mood" ...haih...ya, it's a sad song with so much of sorrow inside the song...but, what sets this song different from others is that, it's so tranquil and quiet...that as if behind the melancholy, there are still hope...that after all the sorrow sink to the bottom, everything goes on as usual...everytime when i listen to this song, i could picture the song...yea, the flowers are gone, romatic times fades...as if the person in the song, accept what life has in stored for him, and carries on...without resentment, without anger...just walk on...and carry on with the path of life...

 

Hah...how i wish i could write like fang wen san...

August Autumn

September 08 2006

It's the last day of school before the long awaited holiday...(ya, i know, we had one in June, but, i seems like it was ages ago...)

As i walk around the school, it was such a joy to do so, yes, i must admit it's because of the holidays... ahhh...can't wait to go malacca...can't wait to see the trees swaying, the birds chirping happily around...and let my hair down...hehe...

Here i come, Malacca...Please don't let me down!

 

A refreshed me in-the-making....

What i want to buy?

August 14 2006

Sitting in the car, all you tempting creatures dancing in my head... ribbon shoes, smart pants, turtle neck...herm... since when i became so "obssesive" of these stuff?

I started to think...Are those necessary or just to feed my greediness? then i thought of those kids in China who can't even afford to pay for their school fees with less than RM1 a day... then i thought how come human beings can risk their lives to climb up so high in the caves just to get swallows' saliva? and how come human beings can exploit their same species (just because they thought they are more civilised) to carry tones of durians from the mountain top to satisfy their taste buds during those days? How come things seems to be going backwards when we are supposed to be more civilised?

Oh, im confused now....how come lust and greediness increase propotionally with time? Aren't human supposed to be more civilised and live with more intergity and respect amongst us? aren't we supposed to become more and more enlightened rather than more and more corrupted?

Aren't you, human Joyce!?

Psalm 23

August 09 2006

Was listening to psalm 23 this morning. First time. i wasn't quite listening to it in the begining, just hearing it...(see, there's actually difference between listening and hearing..) then, the chorus hit me...God...such lyrics are from Psalm 23, so use to reading it, sometimes, expressionless...until this morning, it come once again in the song...but, refresh me...all over again...like streams from mountain top...

 

Psalm 23

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

He maketh me to lie down in green pastures:

he leadeth me beside the still waters.

He restoreth my soul:

he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil:

for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies:

thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life:

and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.

Empathy...i doubt it...sometimes

August 07 2006

Erm...wasn't in such a high morale lately...didn't know was supressing it all the while until itfinally came, face to face. I thought it was all over...until i finally feel the true pain of it...no easy task...yup...

sorry to my dearest ppl around me, i can't help myself...pls give me sometime that i need to adjust myself...well, perhaps i might seem to be silghtly more troublesome than other girls, need more time to recover than normal ppl...well, u can say it's my weakness or whatsoever you like, but...i believe everyone has their own way of settling things and different time span to accept things or just for balancing the "emos"...so...just give me time...

sometimes, i would wonder no matter how ppl seems to show their empathy for you...you just know that when they say "i understand"; sometimes, they don't know that they dun actually mean that...well, thank you for the effort to comfort, really...but sometimes, it has to be left to ourselves who are going through the process actually to learn and go through the entire experience... that's why i say: give me sometime...even sediments in the ocean need time to settle down =)

ok...much better now...at least i've got it out from my thoughts and put 'em into words...

haih.....ok...and "time span" meaning- there's a definate time...so, i guess the time is up...and "shooh" you go....all the "emo" creatures...

=)

tomorrow, tomorrow, i love you, tomorrow...it's always a day away!

Com 'on gimme a hug, will ya?! 

Aisaymen...

July 28 2006

Aisaymen, pei pei know that i have a space in msn liao...haha...good good, so we can keep in touch of each other's "most updated" "xin qing gu shu" so the catching up job wouldn't be so tough whenever we meet again...haha...

Arggg...it wasn't such a good start for me today...depart late, wrong direction of parking the car and makes it such a pain to just fill the empty petrol tank...beh tahan...

Thank God it was ok after arriving at school...guess am learning in many ways to upgrade my EQ to a higher level, infact i think my efforts paid off...how amazing it is that i can still smile through it when the class is like ten times noisier than the pasay borong in serdang...how amazing it is that i can still smile with a boy who had just annoied me in the class that i feel like "cekek-ing" him at that moment....ah....how amazing it is....ya, some might think that the imunity had reign my nerves and feelings that it has turn to numbness...nope, sorry, nope...it's just the same old theory...i change my inner perspective instead, that makes a whole lot of difference...if you've got joy inside, nothing on earth can take it away...because you have it inside...no matter how terrible the situation is, after a short while you'll resume...because you have it!

it's like you know these children is going to be shouting on top of their lungs that they don't really care whether they loose their voice anyway (trust me they can scream and shout and still no damage will be done to their voice cords...i guess, God costume made these voice boxes for them...haih....i want one like that too,God!)

so, why not keep a happy and jolly mood in the class...since they are like that already...when u make yourself feel good, others can tell, even these lil' creatures...they sense it, i tell you...and you'll know when all of them still run around you and hug you when you're actually scolding them...

hah...can't stop everytime when i start to write...

July 20

Reflect

First time writing here after seeing my friends' space. I thought, well, MSN is certainly easier to reach than other blog as i will on my msn everyday.

Ya...better write more so that i can reflect more.

Was looking at a slide about Mother Teresa yesterday. Redefinate the meaning of poverty. What she said was true...and till now, i still can't comprehand how an ordinary human being do such wonders, such huge contribution to the world, and still impacting the world til date, even she's gone...

"Ordinary person, with an Extraordinary God"....i think that explains all...I admire her sacrificial offering of her life, how could she do that...How could she have such sacred heart, as if she has the heart of a compasionate God and the watchful eyes of Father in heaven?

Was truely busy these days, and am making promises to myself that after this am gonna take a break but...erm...do i really appreciate the break so much? Do i enjoy what im doing now? Certainly yes, you see ,ppl are often so confuse and greedy, you want to rest but u don't want to miss out things ...or perhaps i actually want to continue but at a slower and more organized pace? I guess i prefer the later then...